Why

I am perplexed.   Wondering: why did it take Obama five years to visit Louisiana after Katrina? 

It makes no sense.

Standing with our president to wish the Queen of England a happy birthday

Happy Birthday Queen of England.   I hope your birthday in April was as momentous as the one you had yesterday.

On a seperate but related note, I hope President Obama got her something thoughtful and cool for her birthday this year.  

Maybe something like a shop vac.  It is very utilitarian like the Queen herself.

Information Request

Does anyone know what all this hoopla over Helen Thomas is about?

It seems like the wingnutosphere is all up in arms about something she did or said.  Problem is I cant find anything about it.

I looked all over the reputable news sites (like CNN, CBS and ABCnews) and nothing.

This reeks of another witch hunt.   It is absolutely reprehensible the lengths some people will go to destroy a sweet little old lady.

Another no-bailout-taking automaker under investigation for stuck gas pedal problems

Dont get me wrong.  I'm no fan of the Ford.

But it is interesting that another of GM and Chrysler's chief competitors is the subject of a federal probe into sticking gas pedal issues.  This is why we need  government control over auto manufacturers.  You don't hear about Chevy gas pedals sticking.  You dont hear about Dodge gas pedals sticking.  You know why?  Because of government!

Incidentally, I think it's high time that the government take a look into Daihatsu.   Their gas pedals are always sticking.   Seriously guys, "Daihatsu" is the Chinese word for "death trap".

Meanwhile in Siberia

Was Al Gore in town?

FWIW, local temperatures yesterday were in the mid-60s. Mid-70's a few days ago.



This is why I wont mow the lawn today.

Massive turnout at todays Coffee Party in SLC. You should have seen it!

Photo courtesy of KSL.

The atmosphere was absolutely electric.

Incidentally, this was the second Coffee Party story in the past 11 days on KSL.   This thing is really taking off.

To honor the memory of Ronnie James Dio

I'm going to drop my windows, open the sun roof and blast Holy Diver at at 75% volume on my way home for work tonight. 

Maybe Stargazer too, depending on traffic.

Epic Fartcan

Greatest Kia mod ever.



At least I think it was a Kia.  I'm not sure because I could not take my eyes off that tail pipe.

I think President Obama hit this one right out of the ball park

Elena Kagan is everything you want in a supreme court justice.  She's a woman,  she's super progressive, she's real smart and her selection proves that President Obama cares about the transgendered set.

Elena Kagan: the peoples supreme court justice.

Rhetorical

Do you think Sandra Bullock's perky, upturned nose will droop and sag as she gets older?

I'd take this as a strong indication of a cyber attack on Wall Street

I'd say it was either the Chinese or the Mexicans

WASHINGTON -- The White House's homeland security and counterterrorism adviser says there is no evidence that a cyber attack was behind the chaos that shook Wall Street last Thursday.

No resident of Cody, Wyoming will ever admit this...

There is strong evidence that Buffalo Bill Cody soiled his pants during his first encounter with Porter Rockwell.

As expected, C. Montgomery Burns will not be reelected to the senate...

Nor will Senator Bob Bennett (pictured below)

This sets the stage for interesting electoral battle between Tim Bridgewater, who hates Mexicans, and Mike Lee who calls me every Monday between 1pm and 3pm to personally ask for my support.

Incidentally, I once tried suggesting to Mike Lee that he invest some of his campaign cash in one of those robo-call machines to save himself some time and energy, but he wouldn't shut up long enough to listen.

Non Man Caused Disasters

What a bad month for Tennessee.  First all that oil washing up on their shores and now the flooding.

Good thing I dont live there these days.

UPDATE (5/8/2010):  Now they're saying that a methane bubble caused that explosion that even now has oil washing up on the shores of Nashville.

I have a way with the women

Transcript of an actual conversation I had with a hot chick yesterday.

She:  Hows it going?

Me:  Not bad.  What have you been up to?

She:  Nothing much, really.  Guess what?

Me:  You're pregnant?

She:  NO!

Me:  Oh.  Well I've been telling people you're pregnant.

She:  I can't be pregnant.  I have one of those...IDU's....IUD's...whatever they're called.

Me:  Oh, you mean an IED?

She:  IED?

Me:  Yeah.  Inter e-u-t-e-r-i-n-e device

She:  That's it.   I have one of those.

Me:  They're not foolproof.  You could still get pregnant.

Randy Rasmussen: Part VI

Opening Crawl

Chapter VI

The Quantum Distortion

It is a period of economic turmoil and uncertainty.

Competing   carriers   and   long-haul   freelancers

in  '08 won a progressive victory, a referendum of

Bush's archaic, failed national transportation policy.

In a seemingly unrelated development, the intrepid

trucker:  Randy  Rasmussen,   speeds  across  the

barren wastes of eastern Nevada, custodian  of  a

high  value  cargo of soy and gum arabic destined 

for north-central Cheyennes eraser conglomerates.

Pursued  by the sinister progeny  of  the  tragically

deceased trucker  Dick Augney, and  stalked by  

voluptuous  long-haul  banshee 'Sweaty'  Negretti,

Randy Rasmussen unknowingly encounters  a tear

in the very fabric of space and time . . . . . . . . . .

(Scene 1:  Pan downward from opening crawl to a custom Peterbilt approaching  a poorly lit UHP weigh station on the southern Utah / Arizona border.  The rig rolls to a stop and after a moment, our hero opens the door and climbs down to the recently repaved tarmac.  Stretching his back and stiffling a yawn, Randy strides toward the weigh station office)

Randy "Dave" Rasmussen: (to the desk clerk)  Hiya doin?

Trooper Clyde Barnett:  Good morning sir, what can I do for you?

Randy:  Well son, I got me a load of soy and gum arabic for one of those eraser factories in Wyoming and I sure as hell mean to see it through by dawn, but I gotta take me a leak.

Trooper Clyde:  Down the hall...to your right.

(Cut to scene 2:  Inside a custom Keworth somewhere in the Arizona badlands, 'Sweaty' Alice Negretti, clad resplendently in a pair of black leather hotpants and nothing else, sleeps fitfully)

'Sweaty' Alice Negretti:  (talking in her sleep)  Sonofabitch.....why wont you take me?

(Cut to scene 3:  moments later inside the St George weigh station)

Randy:  Godamighty my pants fit better now.  Thank you, kind sir.

Trooper Clyde:  (nods)

Randy:  Say, what time you got?

Trooper Clyde:  (checks his watch)  Just about one a.m., sir.

Randy:  (stunned)  What?

Trooper Clyde:  I said it's just about one, sir.  Sir?  Sir, are you all right?

Randy:  Trooper, are you sure about the time?

Trooper Clyde:  Yes sir.

Randy:  But thats impossible.   There's no way...

Trooper Clyde:  Huh?

Randy:  Son,  I rented me a girl tonight in Mesquite and I left as soon as I was done.

Trooper Clyde:  (stares)

Randy:  That was forty five minutes ago....at eleven o'clock.

Trooper Clyde:  (stares)

Randy:  Damn it, man.  Don't you get it?

Trooper Clyde:  (stares)

Randy:  Ever been to Mesquite, son?

Trooper Clyde:  All the time sir,  my sister lives there.

Randy:  How long is the drive?

Trooper Clyde:  Thirty...forty five minutes at most.

Randy:  Don't you see?  I left forty five minutes ago!  AT ELEVEN O'CLOCK!

Trooper Clyde:  (stares and blinks twice)

Randy:  Look at my watch, man!  Look!  It says 11:56!  How the hell do you figure it's almost one a.m.?

Trooper Clyde:  (blinks)

Randy:  Oh I get it.  You're in on this too!

Trooper Clyde:  (stares)

Randy:  God as my witness, I will figure out whats going on here.   It's got to be some sort of quantum displacement.  Some kind of rupture in the fabric of space and time maybe. I dont know much about that kinda stuff but I will figure out whats going on.  And when I do....

Trooper Clyde:  Ok sir.  Have a good night, sir.

(Randy backs out slowly and once out of Trooper Clyde's line of sight, sprints to the safety of his Peterbilt, determined more than ever to see his precious cargo delivered on time to Cheyenne)

Information Request

Russia has apparently suspended adoptions to the US.

I dont really care about that.

My concern is with whether this suspension includes mail order brides.   Because if it does, it looks like the future Mrs. Powers will probably have to be from Thailand.

Not that there is anything wrong here...

But someone has to be the first to point out that before his career in politics, Eric Massa was a long haul trucker.

Aww Crap, Manny! Bogey at nine o'clock!

And he's smokin

I'm going to jump ahead of the pack and say what everyone else is thinking

Polands president was killed by the Russians.

Thats right.  It was a hit. 

Remember, I said it first.